Are you Longing to have a better marriage this year? Want to make it 10X?
The Longing was released in 2005 and was written by Tim and Gaye Goad to help couples improve the marriage they have committed to.
My wife, Lien Kaura, and I married in 2011. Since then we have worked on having the best marriage we can based on what we know. It has taken a lot of work, understanding, communication and love. We do not have the perfect marriage and yes we do fight sometimes.
What has made our marriage a success and what I want readers to know is that we work on supporting each other and do not put each other down.
It was not always like that. We had to grow. Our growth came because we realized we wanted to find solutions and not just fight with each other and destroy our marriage.
The book is written by Tim and Gaye Goad and they do write from their perspective, their believes in God and their experience. Who is their God? Their marriage is based on the teaching from the BIBLE and the written words of God.
Even if you are not a man or woman of God, you can still learn a lot from this book to improve your marriage. Half the book is written by Tim and the other half by Gail. They want you to have a couples perspective on what a marriage should look and feel like.
Chapter 01 – Relating To Your Spouse
The Helpmate – Gaye Goad
- Love is important, but much more is required to have a great marriage.
- I neglected Tim. Unbeknown to me, my husband was starving for the same kind of attention, effort and energy i was pouring into our kids.
- Thing I thought I was doing for Tim, were actually for me.
- What every husband needs from his wife are… RESPECT, ENCOURAGEMENT, SUPPORT, ASSISTANCE IN SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND TO BE THERE FOR HIM PHYSICALLY.
- If I can’t go with Tim when he travels, I dress up to meet him when he returns.
- The male need for sex is just as real and powerful as a woman’s monthly cycle.
- I’ve learned a secret: If men don’t get praise from their wives, everyone else’s praise means little to them.
- Your husband is potentially a great man in some area. With your encouragement, he can become all he was meant to be.
- A bad attitude nullifies good actions.
- Ask yourself, “What am I going to give to my marriage.” not “What can I get out of this marriage”
The Servanthood Leader – Tim Goad
- Results don’t come from knowing – it’s the doing that makes a difference.
- God designed and equipped the husband to be the leader in his home, but that does not mean he scabs have a ‘Macho’ attitude, be arrogant or authoritative.
- It will be your love for your wife that motivates you to sacrifice your self interests, your desires, and, yes, even at times your needs.
- Men need to work at: KNOWING OUR WIFES NEEDS, UNDERSTANDING HER NEEDS and RESPONDING TO THE NEEDS.
- Let me remind you that when women share they are not usually looking for an answer, they are just looking for empathetic understanding.
- Remember, meeting your wife’s needs must be more important than meeting your own.
- My relationship with my wife is more important than my ego.
- If you want your wife to change, show leadership by changing yourself.
- Remember to BRAG ON YOUR WIFE, EVALUATE YOURSELF, ASK QUESTIONS TO UNDERSTAND YOUR WIFE and USE SYNERGY IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Chapter 02 – Coach – Navigator
Husband As Coach – Tim Goad
- I do believe God brings two people together for a purpose
- It is one thing to say “I LOVE YOU” but quite another to say “I NEED YOU.”
- Loving your wife makes you vulnerable and men don’t like to be vulnerable.
- Coaching is about creating an encouraging environment in marriage that inspires our wives to fulfill their God-given purpose.
- Treat your wife as the person she could be rather than the person she presently is.
- When she sees you sacrificing something for her, you will prove your love.
- At it’s best, EGO is a healthy sense of self-worth. At its worst it’s a demand too be acknowledged as ‘right’ no matter what.
- Stop trying to change your wife; it only produces friction! Instead soak your wife in a solution of love, cherishing and encouragement and then be patient. The day will come she will shine.
- Three reasons men don’t lead: THEY THINK THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE, THEY DON’T HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THEIR ABILITIES and THEY LACK ADEQUATE SELF-ESTEEM.
- Three types of husbands: PASSIVE, ABSENT and ABUSIVE.
- Ask your wife to help you become a better man, a better husband and father.
Wife As Navigator – Gaye Goad
- We can’t change our husbands but we can encourage them to change by our actions.
- People try to have a marriage that is either modelled after their parents’ relationship, or opposite to it.
- Our husbands are accountable to God for their mistakes in marriage.
- Keep standing in faith for the best in your husband and your marriage, knowing that God is also at work in his life.
Chapter 03 – Relaters – Problem Solvers
Women Are Relaters – Gaye Goad
- Communicate better, we women need to recognize how men process things. And it might help if we understood how women think, too.
- To learn to communicate with men, we need to understand that a man organizes his life into boxes and can only be in one box at a time.
- A man spends as much time as possible in boxes where he believes he cab succeed.
- The more stress a man is under, the more time he needs to spend in the ‘processing box.’
- When women get stress, we want to talk about it.
- A man starts a conversation when he thinks there’s a problem. If he doesn’t see a problem, he may feel no need for talk.
- I’ve learned that to communication with my husband, I have to change the way I talk to him.
- We’ve go to remember that men do not naturally connect the jobs we ask them to do with their feeling for us.
- Use phrases like, “I need your help with…” Men love to help not be told to do something.
Men Are Problem Solvers – Tim Goad
- Learn to respect their differences and seek to understand them.
- Men believe facts are more important, but women want you to hear and respond to their feelings.
- The biggest mistake we make in communication with our wives is to believe they are asking for solutions when they are merely processing their situations aloud and finding their own solutions.
- (Men) be quick to listen but slow to talk.
- Why settle for anything less than the very best kind of relationship?
- Forgive one another for past blunders.
- Don’t COMPLAIN, COMPARE and CRITICIZE instead find CREATIVITY.
- Remember every individual comes into a marriage with emotional baggage.
Tim’s Final Words For Guys
- The wrong treatment of your wife will hinder our prayers.
- A man is never really happy until he is attempting to make his wife happy and fulfilled.
- You are required by God to meet your wife’s needs. But, are not required to cater to her every whim.
- Men need friendships and relationships with other men.
Gaye’s Final Words for Gals
- Men who were denied a mother’s love may seek it from their wives.
- Treat your husband as a man instead of a little boy.
- Learn to defer to your husband and leave ‘gaps’ for him to be thew leader in your home.
Closing Thoughts From Tim & Gaye
- Here’s the secret formula for that find of marriage: your dreams will come true when you make your spouse’s dreams come true.
- Find out what your spouse thinks.
- Get rid of the old. Begin the new.
- Make a commitment to have a better marriage for 3o days. (At a time)
- Be careful not to base your acts of love or respect on your mate’s actions.
After reading The Longing I could really see why Tim and Gaye had the kind of marriage most only wish they had. Once you understand they work on their marriage as much as the next person you will understand that you can also have what they have.
They have been married for over 20 years and have helped countless people improve their marriage not only from the example they live but by teaching the principles they learned.
Now its your turn to make a difference. Share the solution people are looking for on your favourite social media platform. It’s easy to do and a proven fact your inner circle wants to know what you know.
Leave a comment by telling us what one tip you will apply to your marriage. Both husbands and wife please leave a comment.
Check out other articles and don’t forget to tell your inner circle about DiscoverYourLifeToday.com.
Connect with us on Facebook and do not miss new articles. The secret, sign up for email updates.
Don’t just imagine change. What if it was as easy as coming back every 30 days, rereading the article and applying the information. Start selling and making more money.